His Point of View (It is the End)
When it began, it was hard for him. Having to deal with someone like me. Despite the countless times I rejected him, he never gave up. He kept pursuing me and won me over with his sincerity and a cheesy line, "I want to give you flowers and hold your hand, I don't want to regret like Bruno Mars".
Fast forward 3 years later.
The kareshi. Or I say, the ex-kareshi, couldn't find a place in his heart for me. I recalled everything he said. It hurt so bad, I thought I was going to die.
His point of view:
When I fell in love with you, you were so strong. So much more stronger than I am. When the doors spoiled, I couldn't fix them, but you could. When I couldn't lift certain things, you could. But over the years, you've changed. You rely entirely on me. You weren't the same when I fell in love with you.
You used to wear high heels. Really beautiful. And you no longer wear them now. You have changed.
And about us. I used to want to hold your hand, you didn't let me. When you got mad, I hugged you, you pushed me away. Thereafter, we got so used to the silence. Sometimes 3 days. Sometimes a week. And I didn't say anything. I couldn't. Because I remembered 3 years ago, when you haven't accepted me as your boyfriend. I got angry, and you just walked away. You left the shoes I picked for you and you walked away. I couldn't forget that. I was scared of losing you and scared that you would walk away again. At that time, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't work and I couldn't function. I can't go through that again. Furthermore, I am now in a way different position in my company than 3 years ago. I can't afford to let that happen. There are many people relying on me.
Whenever we go on a vacation, we are not happy. Somehow, little things would make you angry and we are in silence once again. Whenever I see other couples, if they go on a vacation, they are happy. But we are not. This is not the life I wanted. I am sorry I have wasted your 3 years. But I think that it is best if we remained friends.
The end of his point of view.
Our relationship started off one-sided. Where he was deeply in love with me, and I wasn't. I didn't want love. I didn't want a relationship. I was unfair to him. Although I never speak of bad things about him but only of good things about him outside, I have never said good things to him, only bad.
I was good to him, but I was abusive to him, emotionally. Over the years, he has gotten used to the cold treatment I gave him and eventually his love for me died.
But for me, over the years, I have learned to love him. Despite his many flaws and weaknesses, I loved him. Unconditionally. Eventhough he is forgetful, lazy, or just too overwhelmed with all the games instead of spending time with me, I loved him. Even when I am angry with him, I loved him. There was not one moment where I have stopped loving him.
Because love is supposed to be unconditional. With no reason. With no fail. And it should have been infinite. Because although people changed everyday, situations change all the time and even the world is changing everyday. The love should have always been the same.
It is true, there should have been a reason to spark an interest, to like someone. But there should not have a reason why you love someone.
Despite me letting go my ego (in which, I normally wouldn't because I am a very stubborn and prideful person where I would let the fire burn me and never yell for help), I asked him to reconsider. Our 3 years together is not nothing. When there is up, of course there is down. There is no happy all the time. This is Newton's third law. And of course, you wouldn't get to see other couple's unhappy moments because those were supposed to be private, only those couples would know what are the problems in their relationship. But that was the end of it all. It was his decision.
Despite all that has happened these days, I have not found a moment were my heart has stopped loving him. Unconditionally.
at 4/17/2016 12:27:00 PM