Sorry...I never told you...

Sorry...
I never told you...
All I wanted to say...
Now its too late to hold you...
Cause you're so far away...

My insecurities...I am unconfident...
I said things I should not,
Hurtful things which can never be taken back,
I'm so sorry...

I don't doubt you when you said you love me,
But tomorrow and the day after tomorrow is another day,
And uncertainties are what I fear most.

I apologize...
For misunderstanding you.

Maybe...
I was angry because you chose to leave,
I know I would never choose to be away from you.
But then again, I was never offered to be where you are now.

Maybe...
I was angry for being so useless,
If only I had worked harder,
I probably have the chance to be by your side.

Maybe...
I was afraid that I no longer understand you.
You were never the person who hands in half-done work,
You were never the person who would publicly humiliate yourself
just for an activity,
and you were never the one who spends money like a lord.

Maybe...
I was angry because I am no longer part of your daily life.
I do not know what you are going through.

Maybe...
I was angry because I was envious of your friends,
You meet everyday and yet,
You spend your whole day with them,
Leaving me to wait alone...
If and only if you had spent less time with them,
I could have my time with you...

Maybe...
I was angry because I waited until 3-4 am everyday,
for you to come back...
But could only speak to you for a few minutes...

Maybe it is true that doctors can't self heal.
I can mend other people's relationships,
I can bring new couples together,
But I could not help my self.

One thing for sure, I did not know the word "remorse" nor "regret".
I am so sorry you had to reassure me that you did not lie.
I know you NEVER lied. Not in the past, not now.

Understanding is not the same as doing.
I learnt so much the hard way, and am still learning.

Thank you for being the understanding, patient one in the end.