Sorry. I can't feel love.

The reason I was away for so long was because I do not want to preach or blog about love when I can not feel love. I do not want to be a hypocrite because I am surrounded by TOO MANY hypocrites and/or fake & pretentious beings. The truth is, I can not feel anything, anymore.


Even as I typed, I do not feel upset or angry, or anything, for that matter. I didn't feel anything when Max promised to video call me but then went out for "Happy Hour" with his friends (which in the past, I would feel really disappointed). I don't know if I would feel anything even if I lost Max right now. 


Maybe I had my hopes too high up. Maybe I had too much to expect. Maybe I felt too happy. Maybe I felt under-appreciated. Maybe being disappointed again and again makes a person numb. I don't know how I feel about Max. I don't know if I love him or that I am used to having him around (although he wasn't physically/literally around for these few years). 


And since I couldn't feel love, I don't want to preach about love and/or relationships. I just need some time alone to figure out how I feel.


Well, at least Max could say, "Hello, my pretty lady" to his all female friends and I wouldn't mind. *shrugs*