Everything goes...

I realised that as I was growing up, everything changes. People changed. Societies changed. Even friends changed. Nothing is forever. Soon, I learn to appreciate things around me. Things that i used to take for granted. Even so, I might still have to face the fact that nothing is forever no matter how much I love or loved something/someone.

I remembered when I was in secondary school, I used to take relationships (friendship, love) for granted assuming that they will be there forever. Slowly, I realised that everything and everyone I loved will eventually leave no matter how much sacrifice or effort I've made. The feeling of losing something so precious to me is really heart-rending. Hurtful. From then on, I never wanted to have any relationships with anyone, not love relationship, not friendship. In that way, I would never have to deal with anymore heartaches or disappointment.

Until, I met someone really special to me. He changed me into someone I never thought I would be. Changed into a better person(eventhough the ugly-me comes out sometimes). I never thought I could love someone so much. Often, I would hurt his feelings with hurtful words over small matters. Expecting him to be someone he is not. Demanding him to be more than what he already is. Eventhough, I've hurt him time and time again, he never left regardless the number of times I asked to leave. He was always there. When I was having just a slight fever, he spent his morning boiling porridge for me and rushed to school the next day after he brought the porridge to my home. He barely even slept that day. How can someone be so perfect, be in love with me? I felt that I don't even deserve him. Being with him is like being in a fantasy. He fulfilled dreams of mine which was almost forgotton. Childhood fantasies which I thought is never possible in reality. There was once when we had a big fight, he pleaded with tears in his eyes(it was actually a really small matter and it was my fault that it became a big fight). Someone rough and tough like him, someone which was often assumed a male-chauvinist could actually love me so much that he cried. Even his family barely saw him in tears. His best friend did mention that he NEVER saw him treat anyone else the same way he treated me. I even lashed out at him for always being so jealous when he was actually being protective of me.I KNOW now that he loves me truly. Madly. Deeply.

Just when I realised that he is the one and only person I want to spent the rest of my life with, he tells me that he is going to leave - soon... Because he is going to further his studies in another country. Despite being utterly depressed, I held back my tears and wished him all the best. I know that if we were meant to be, he would come back to me no matter how far we are apart. If we were not meant to be, then I should not cry over something which is not destined for me. However, it is always easier said than done. Yet, I am not selfish enough to ask him to leave his ambitions for me. I BELIEVE that we are meant to be and he will come back to me. Because I LOVE HIM. Truly. Madly. Deeply.